For the last two weeks I've been sitting in the passenger seat of an
unfamiliar patrol car, training a new recruit. It's agony. Not because
of the new guy, but because….well, I'm a cop because I am not meant to
be locked in a cubicle, or a jail, or….Uggh. You know what I mean!

Although we've had a wide variety of cases, I can't really pin down a
great one to thrill or entertain ya'll right now. I decided that I'll
pass on some of the rambling thoughts and statements I've had or made
over the last 80 hours of being incarcerated… umm, I mean, over the
last 80 hours of the opportunity to train a new officer.

*"Don't ever do what I just did", "Do as I say not as I do" (Oh boy,
they prohibited that statement when I got certified to be a training
officer). "Don't ever say" what that officer just said. "Don't ever
tell a suspect" what I just did. "Don't ever". Followed by everything
I just did.

*"What goals do you have?" Among the many goals of being a police
officer I list "staying out of the soap opera's", near the top of my
list. Admittedly, I'm not good at meeting this goal, but at least I
try. It's a strange goal in many ways, because 99% of the calls you
take are due to someone being involved in a "soap opera". People call
the police because of the drama they bring on themselves. The other 1%
is real crime, real criminals, real police work…you understand. My
definition of soap opera includes, ex-husband and ex-wifes, parents
not being parents, kids being kids, officers sick of working with
other officers, dispatchers sick of working with certain officers,
officers unhappy with all dispatchers, stupid drivers, crazy drivers,
attention seekers, the justice system not serving justice, the public
hating cops, the cops disgruntled with the public, the police who are
damned if they do and damned if they don't, the public that feels they
are damned if they do and damned if they don't, the administration
pissed off at the officers, the officers wondering why the
administration doesn't remember that we're on the same team.

*I can't believe how many times I've been typing reports, in a room
full of other officers typing reports, giving lectures of "what not to
say to you're wife". I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting
there when another officer expresses complete shock at the things I've
said! I don't know why I say the things I do---to my wife or to the
other officers. (Uuugh, it's just another example of a soap opera in
my life. Drama at home, then allowing the other officers to know that
I have drama at home.

*If we knew what we had before it was gone. If I knew what I had I'd
never make comments to my wife like I do.

*Maybe if she knew what she had, she'd never…(I'll stop before I make
one of those comments I shouldn't ever make. (Now you know what I mean)

*Why am I forced to carry my gun everywhere I go? Why don't I carry my
gun everywhere I go?

*I love this job, I love this career, I love the people, I love the
city. I love teaching people and I love talking to people.

*"You better have passion for police work or I'll……" I dunno what I'll
do, but I will do it.

*Heading home from work I heard some talk show host on the radio
talking about how crime increases on a full moon. "The lunatics come
out", he says. "I've talked to officers…I have friends that are cops…"
On and on the guy goes, professing his knowledge of crime on the night
of a full moon. I'm wondering if this guy really knows any of the
officers he claims to know. How many of these officers claim to know
this guy? Lord knows I've heard the, "I know officer so and so"
comments, but rarely does anyone ever know so and so. Then I think to
myself, "where does this guy get his info". I know the old saying is
that the full moon causes lunatics to be loony, but is that a wives
tale. I bet it is. I bet the stat's would prove it. I bet I could
research it. I bet I could prove that there is more crime on a Friday
night on a holiday weekend than there is on any full moon. Hey, think
about this one radio guy. What would happen if there is a full moon on
a holiday weekend on a Friday night?

*I want to be a hero. I don't want attention. I want to be a hero, but
I don't want the attention. Why don't they pay attention to heroes? If
I were hero I wouldn't want the attention even if I got it. Is that
humility or a product of the job…maybe you have that before becoming a
cop…maybe you get it after being a cop.

*Sometimes I wonder if I'll inspire entire generations. Sometimes I
wonder if I've done my job, maybe I've inspired one person. Sometimes
I wonder if I've done more good than bad. Sometimes I wonder if I've
done more bad that good. Would people be better off without me? Would
I be better off without them?

*Next time I move I'll tell my neighbors that I'm a truck driver, that
way I won't have do defend myself, I won't have to talk about my job,
and I won't have to listen to all their police stories, then I won't
have to repeat all of my police stories.

*A few weeks ago I had a reporter ride with me. I didn't tell her that
I came out on my own time. I got in uniform and checked on duty, on my
day off, just to have the chance to show her what "really" goes on out
here. She wanted a story about some of my stories. (Someday I'll tell
you why). It didn't take long for her to get her story. As the time
passed, things went from boring to "sir, I need you to follow my
pen….sir, I can you take nine steps….sir, can you balance on one
leg….." Things turned out well because the driver was three times over
the legal limit. This liberal reporter didn't have any room to tell me
that the guy "made a mistake" needs a "second chance", wasn't "that
bad". She had no room to argue. She had no room to write a story about
officers arresting people that "shouldn't be arrested". The guy was so
drunk that she was almost in shock that a man could even stand, let
alone find first gear while letting the clutch out at the same time.
As the story goes (my version of the story), we get to the jail and I
let her come inside to watch the booking room. (Maybe the right thing,
maybe not. Maybe it was against policy, maybe it wasn't. I don't care.
I really don't care). About 2 hours into the DUI arrest and paperwork
the reporter asked if she could go home. She had prior commitments. I
didn't tell her that I left my wife hanging. I didn't tell her that I
couldn't drop this case and run to my son's first T-ball game. I
didn't tell her it was my day off. I just pointed out the fact that I
haven't even finished a tenth of the investigation. I haven't even
started on the five-page narrative. The report that will be picked
about over the next 17 months by a prosecuting attorney and then a
defense attorney looking for a buck by defending this drunk driver. I
just let her out of the jail and I continued with what I had to do.

*I'm here to do my job, not make friends. I don't want friends. I have
passion for the job, so I don't need friends. "I have so much passion
for the job that my eyes are full of tears right now. How can I make
you believe me?"…I went into the dispatch office the other night, by
the time I left one of the girls asked the other, "Does he really hate
everyone?" I'm glad she thinks that. I'm happy I was able to make her
feel that I only come to work because I love the job, nothing else.

*I'll tell you what pains me the most. "At least you work for a safe
city. It's not like you work in Chicago or L.A.". What I'd give to
make it clear to these people how dirty the streets really are! What
I'd give to be able to teach them how many kids died from heroin
overdoses last week. I'd be tickled pink if people could figure out
that the newspapers don't report the whole story. The 10 o'clock news
doesn't tell anything more than the tip of the iceberg.

*Cops are the greatest actors ever. Real actors get retakes and
retries. Cops get one chance to make it happen. Most of our job is a
complete acting job. I'm being serious. How can a man ever put his arm
around some child molester and convince him that he understands? How
could you make that man think that we understand?" I can guarantee
Robert DiNero couldn't do that! There is no way Denzel Washington
could put a drunk in jail, then have the guy thank him for doing it.
Do you see my point? There is no way Morgan Freeman or Katharine
Hepburn could go to a family fight and give advice to a
millionaire- rocket-scientist about how to raise a 16-year-old
daughter. Do you see my point! How could anyone get a person to
confess to a bank robbery or get a murder without sweating or showing
shock or not let that suspect see the trembling hands? Imagine
consoling a parent who just killed her own kid when she backed out of
the driveway, making the woman believe that you don't want to cry too.
Cuba Gooding would giggle when some woman hikes her skirt and shows
her breasts just to get out of a ticket. Cops should get an Oscar
after every shift. I bet they'd never be able to go home and their
your from their wife.

*Why don't they write songs about cops? Soldiers get all the songs.
Don't get me wrong, but it's true. Soldiers are greeted at the
airport. I've never seen that for a cop. Don't get me wrong…please
don't. It's true though. "American Soldier", Toby Keith. "If I don't
make it back", by Tracy Lawrence. "Riding with Private Malone", David
Ball. Can you tell my radio buttons are stuck on the county music
station?

*I hate cop funerals. I've been to one. It's too painful, so I've
found a reason to miss out on all the rest.

*How does this dude live in a ten million dollar house, when I live in
a neighborhood full of the people I arrest on a daily basis? He's half
nuts and I can't understand how he succeeded. What does he have what I
don't. Who cares? I love my job and I know he doesn't.

*Have you ever noticed that the public loves cops after a cop dies?
Have you ever noticed that the love ends after about a month? It's
true. I can't tell you how many times a citizen has grabbed my hand to
shake it, thank me, and look me in the eyes, "I could never do your
job. Thanks for what you do. Thank you". I can't tell you how many
times that same citizen seems to forget that admiration within 30 days.

*I'll tell you one of the things I love the most. I love figuring
people out. I love the interview and interrogations. I love talking to
someone and trying to crack the case. What angle is this guy working?
What's his motive?

*Can you believe we've got 9 hours left in a 10-hour shift? Can you
believe we only have 9 hours left in a 10-hour shift? Can you imagine
all of the adventures we're going to see over the next 9 hours? Can
you imagine all of the people we'll talk to and all the lives we'll
step into?

*"Hey rookie, are you yawning", "C'mon rookie that was a yawn!" "Wake
up bro, the night is young!"

*"Move over rookie, let me show you how its done". I wish I could slip
over into that drivers seat and fight crime, my way, for the next 8
and ¾ hours.

I'm on page 4. It's 15 minutes into the shift and I wanted to detail
the last two weeks. I'll stop now and try to teach this kid. I'll try
to express the fact that he can't love the job more than his kids. He
can't lose the drive and the fire in his guts. I need to impress on
him that it's a great job. It's a dream come true! It's only 16
minutes into the shift.

Russell
www.lifeonthebeat. com